Intimacy is a fundamental human need, often seen as the gold standard of meaningful relationships. It’s the authentic, vulnerable sharing of our inner worlds, and while it can be deeply nourishing, it can also feel intimidating at times. We thrive when we experience intimacy, and its absence often leads to emotional strain.
In mainstream culture, intimacy is frequently reduced to sexual connection, implying that it’s something only experienced in sexual relationships. This narrow view is limiting and excludes many other ways in which humans can experience intimacy. Atheopagan values—such as inclusiveness, kindness, and pleasure positivity—challenge this limited understanding and encourage a broader view of intimacy.
Sex can certainly be a form of intimacy. Skin-on-skin contact triggers the release of oxytocin, the “love hormone,” which fosters emotional bonding and can lead to feelings of connection. However, intimacy isn’t exclusive to sexual experiences. Activities like massage, cuddling, dancing, singing, or ritual can also trigger oxytocin release, creating deeply intimate moments.
Intimacy can also thrive in friendships. Deep, meaningful friendships involve sharing personal details about our lives—our fears, wounds, triumphs, and growth. No sex is required for this kind of intimacy, although friendships may include sex if that aligns with the relationship. However, society tends to equate intimacy solely with sex, particularly focusing on youthfulness and sexuality as inseparable concepts.
This fixation on youthfulness as the key to intimacy leaves many older people feeling disconnected. As we age, we may face challenges with physical touch and intimacy. Many older individuals, especially those without romantic partners, find companionship and affection through pets, as cuddling with animals can also release oxytocin, fulfilling some of the need for touch.
The lack of intimacy in older adults is a significant issue, one that is often overlooked. Many seniors experience the absence of the close, skin-to-skin touch that can truly make the body feel alive. This emotional longing for connection is a shared experience for millions of older individuals, and it’s a need that deserves more attention and care in society.
In Atheopaganism, the focus is on the elevation and happiness of all people, and part of that includes fostering meaningful, reciprocal relationships—whether those are friendships, romantic relationships, or connections with the world around us. As we strive to build a more inclusive society, it’s crucial to consider the needs of everyone, including the aging population, when creating spaces for intimacy and connection.
