May Day, known to many Pagans as Beltane, is a celebration of young adulthood, love, and sexuality. This vibrant festival often involves rising early to greet the dawn—if one hasn’t already stayed up all night—wearing floral wreaths, dancing ribbons around Maypoles, sipping May wine, and perhaps sharing a kiss, if not something more.
For Pagans, one of the key distinctions from mainstream culture is the community’s embrace of a sex-positive ethos. Unlike the guilt and shame associated with sexuality in some religious traditions, Paganism views the body as sacred and sex as a pleasurable, holy activity for consenting adults. This approach goes beyond monogamy, allowing individuals the freedom to determine their own relationships and agreements.
In a society where traditional norms often dominate, Paganism’s stance on sex and love is radical. Many in the Pagan community take pride in this position, as it fosters inclusivity for sexual minorities and radical ideologies. The community celebrates all forms of love and sex, as long as it’s between consenting adults.
However, while the concept of open relationships or polyamory may sound appealing, the reality can be much more complex. Sex, being an intensely personal and vulnerable experience, can lead to misunderstandings or emotional harm if communication isn’t clear. Even in traditional monogamous relationships, challenges related to sex, such as varying desires, body image issues, and privacy concerns, can create ongoing struggles for couples.
As the years pass, Beltane often evokes memories of youthful, carefree mornings spent in the grass with a loved one. But it also highlights the complexity of sexual relationships. Culture isn’t something we can easily escape, and despite being part of a progressive community, many Pagans still carry with them the cultural baggage of shame, secrecy, and unhealthy expectations about sex.
Fortunately, there’s a growing awareness within the Pagan community, especially among the newer generation of leaders, to address these issues. The hedonistic “live for the moment” mentality, prevalent in the ’60s and ’70s, is increasingly being called out as irresponsible and unethical. Paganism, like many communities, is learning and evolving toward healthier, more respectful practices.
At the heart of these efforts is affirmative consent—ensuring that all participants in any interaction fully understand, agree to, and respect boundaries. In honor of this, at a recent Beltane gathering, a game was played to help reinforce these principles: The Consensual Pomander Orange Game.
The Consensual Pomander Orange Game: A Fun and Flirty Way to Practice Communication and Boundaries
The Pomander Orange, traditionally used in medieval times by nobles to mask unpleasant odors, has been reimagined for this game. It’s an orange studded with cloves, and the rules are simple yet profound in fostering communication, consent, and personal boundaries.
Here’s how it works:
- Voluntary Participation: No one is forced to join the game. Participants can opt out, and markers can be used to indicate who is participating.
- Clove Exchange: The holder of the orange approaches someone in the game, offering a clove and proposing a form of physical interaction—usually a kiss, but it can be anything depending on the relationship. This proposal should be clear and respectful.
- Affirmative Consent: The approached person can accept, decline, or suggest a counteroffer. Consent is paramount, and “no” is always an acceptable answer. Participants only proceed with the agreed interaction.
- Continuing the Game: After the interaction, the person who was approached now holds the orange and chooses someone else to approach.
- Game Ends When the Orange Runs Out of Cloves: The game concludes once all cloves have been removed.
This game is not just about flirtation; it’s about learning to ask for what you want clearly and understanding that consent is essential in any interaction.
Reflecting on Beltane now, the innocence and playfulness of past celebrations seem almost naïve in hindsight. The reality of navigating sexual relationships with integrity requires conscientiousness and respect. Good communication and affirmative consent are central to creating healthy, safe, and enjoyable experiences for everyone involved. As we celebrate love, we must remember that walking through the “minefield” of relationships requires care, clear boundaries, and respect for each other’s autonomy.
